While the idea of a human alpha male is almost certainly not real from a sociology standpoint, it nonetheless continues to fascinate us because it is something we can readily observe in our day-to-day lives.
It can’t be denied that some people certainly are at the head of the pack. But how did they get there? A lot of it has to do with luck and attitude. But while there’s not much you can do about luck, there’s plenty you can do to cultivate the right attitude.
Here are eight simple (and-not-so-simple) things you should start doing to become an alpha male – that won’t necessarily make you look like a douchebag.
1.) Stop hanging out with “friends” who disrespect you
In an age where people can unfriend others over spoilers, it’s shocking that it’s often hard for someone to cut off fake friends who disrespect them. It likely ties into their insecurities and need for validation, which leads them to tolerate all sorts of abuse from friends and relatives.
To make matters worse, people who see you being disrespected by “friends” and relatives may have negative opinions of you because of what they see, which can, in turn, increase the number of people who think it’s fine to disrespect you. You’re never going to be an alpha if this is the case.
Unfortunately, liars and people who are only close to you because they want to get something from you are damn-near impossible to avoid in the Philippines because of strict social expectations. But only by choosing to end this type of disrespect can one expect to achieve alpha status.
2.) Speak up when you are disrespected
Sometimes, this is all it takes. Sometimes, people genuinely do not know they have crossed the line. They may have already crossed it a long time ago and not have realized it simply because you didn’t say anything.
Fortunately, in most settings, speaking up can be done politely. You don’t have to necessarily do it on the spot (this can be a bad move when there are other people observing). As much as possible, take the disrespectful person aside and tell them privately why their actions made you feel disrespected.
If they take it the wrong way or refuse to learn, you can always fall back to #1.
3.) Be proactive
We get it. It’s not easy to take the initiative. We all have obligations, and not all of us have a cushy safety net to fall back to if we fail in a venture.
But what we have to understand is that people admire those who take the initiative precisely because they show courage in the face of fear – which is basically the default condition of most people when it comes to doing new things.
It doesn’t have to be sweeping gestures either. Simply being trying is usually all it takes. And if people see you being proactive in trying to earn respect, chances are that that alpha status will eventually follow.
4.) Stop wearing your insecurities on your sleeve
Being self-deprecating is one thing. It can even be a healthy way to stay grounded. But it’s a totally different thing if that’s all that people hear from you.
Constant whining in day-to-day interactions and habitual “sadposting” on social media is often a sign of self-hatred and can be self-reinforcing. It can also signal to others that you don’t respect yourself, which in turn can cause them to respect you less as well.
If these things are already a habit, you’ll have to try to stop. Expressing yourself, even in a negative way, can sometimes be liberating, so it may take some getting used to before you are able to stop this cycle of self-disrespect. Only then can you truly become the alpha you deserve to be.
5.) Learn to cope with your emotions
Real alphas are able to be frank about their emotions. They do not bottle them up, and neither do they constantly feel the constant need for other people to know about them. They understand how their emotions affect them and they are able to harness and express their emotions in a constructive way if needed.
One big thing is that real alphas are readily able to take responsibility for anything bad that results from their own emotionally-charged actions. These days, all too many people are quick to use their emotional trauma as a convenient excuse for terrible behavior, rather than as something they can learn and grow from – and own.
6.) Stop being pretentious
Sorry to say it, but Filipinos have got to be among the most pretentious people in the world. We lie about our feelings, we’re notorious for being major suck-ups to whoever is more powerful, and our cosmetics industry is all about whiter skins and being “mukhang mayaman” is a concept that penetrates deep within our basic national character.
It’s hard to blame us, as our history is basically one identity crisis after another, and what is taught about that history seems to be polluted with self-serving propaganda and fake news.
Setting aside the fact we’re all fighting generations of shitty programming, we all respond positively to someone who is true to themselves. Everyone tends to respond quite negatively to someone who acts like a total fake. Subconsciously, it makes people feel that you cannot be trusted to be truthful everywhere else.
To be an alpha means fully acknowledging who you are and where you came from. It also means practicing exactly what you preach. If you can do that, even your enemies will start respecting you.
7.) Learn when to apologize
Make no mistake, apologies today have been well and thoroughly weaponized. In many instances, they are less about admitting one was at fault and are instead used as a way to assert dominance.
If you always apologize in situations that are neither your fault nor your responsibility, you set yourself up for a pattern of being pushed over and disrespected. It makes others believe that your interests are not important, and encourages them to disrespect you further.
On the flipside, not apologizing when you have a responsibility to is almost as bad, and makes you look inconsiderate and petty. Not alpha at all.
So when does one apologize? What if you’re obligated to, but also believe you’re not at fault? That’s much tougher and something you will have to come to grips with. In the end, it all boils down to what you truly believe in and staying true to it.
8.) Watch out for yourself
As Plato once said: Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all. It’s easy to achieve. Kidding aside, that is absolutely solid advice. Humans are social creatures. We are often expected to consider the good of the whole, and it’s sometimes even argued that everyone should be prepared to sacrifice their own lives for the greater good.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of rat bastards who well and fully exploit this concept to get others to sacrifice their interests on their behalf. If you let these people disrespect you, using the idea of family, peer-pressure, or “the greater good” to make you do something, see if they’re sacrificing as much as you are. Chances are they’re not.
Stop giving in to other people so soon. Let them build a good case for themselves before you help them, instead of giving in right away.
What other things can you do that make you an alpha? Tell us in the comments!