Here at Bruce Kho, we tear you down to build you up, stronger, better, and more desirable than you were before.
And if you think you’re “highly intelligent”, yet you still need this blog to help you improve your dating game, you’re not as smart as you think you are.
After consulting with some admitted former “bright guys” in the staff, we’ve come to the realization that so-called intelligent people fail in the dating game for amazingly similar reasons. Here are just eight reasons why being smart isn’t all that when it comes to finding a date and maintaining relationships.
1.) You assume everyone is just as logical as you are
People don’t necessarily act on logic. As a matter of fact, they rarely do. When it comes to dating, almost no does.
Well-rounded men know at some level that emotional arguments are just as important as logical ones. To close the deal, you have to be able to appeal to someone’s emotions, and not just their mind – assuming you can actually manage that, to begin with.
How one does appeal to someone else’s emotions? It depends on the person. Everyone’s different.
The key is empathy. Some people are looking for someone to make them laugh; others are looking for someone who isn’t bad to look at who doesn’t smell like cheap cologne.
This isn’t just important for that first date either. Truly understanding how our emotions influence our other actions is key to maintaining any relationship, romantic or otherwise.
2.) You’re not proactive enough
A lot of smart people lack the appetite for risk necessary to do extraordinary things. Perhaps because they’re smart, they are better able to see and imagine the consequences of failure.
While this might be a useful instinct in some cases, it can be disastrous for someone’s dating game. Women (and even men!) are attracted to go-getters and other people who are able to take risks in pursuit of “the moment”, whatever that moment might be.
Of course, being more proactive is easier said than done. Rich people for instance, definitely get a leg up in the dating game because they tend to be much more insulated from risk than regular people. But hey — if you’re as smart as you think you are, this shouldn’t be a problem.
3.) You go all out
Sometimes, smart people are the opposite. They go all out into “solving the problem”, and this ends up with them spending a lot of effort pursuing the person they’re after.
Granted, spending effort is a hell of a lot better than doing nothing. But it’s important to not be seen as needy. Contacting the person you’re after too often and too soon can have the unintended effect of repelling or suffocating them.
Instead, the better option is to avoid initiating contact too often. Don’t message them 200 times a day. You want to them to do some of the work.
4.) You think women should want you because you’re smart
We wouldn’t have believed these people existed until Facebook made it painfully obvious. There definitely are a few people out there who are quite intelligent in some ways but are utterly inept in understanding what other people actually want.
If you’re one of those people, please for the love of all that is good and holy, get that notion out of your head. It’s true that everyone wants to be with someone who’s smart. But being smart is not the be-all and end–all of relationships.
Compassion, kindness, a good sense of humor, hygiene – all these qualities rank higher than intelligence as far as well-adjusted people are concerned. If you lack those qualities, you’d better hope the person you’re after is even more delusional than you are.
5.) You come across as a know-it-all
“Dami mong alam” and “ikaw na” shouldn’t be an insult, and it’s usually only the truly ignorant who say this. But it does reflect the fact that we don’t like people who seem to try too hard at being smart. In any case, the Dunning-Kruger effect is usually at play when someone tries to play up how smart they are.
Chances are, the ones who are the loudest about their so-called intelligence are probably also the least competent people anyway, simply because they’re too dumb to know that they know nothing. Someone who knows what they’re talking about, on the other hand, will probably have a better idea of what they don’t know, making them less hesitant to discuss a complicated subject at length.
6.) You’re bad at understanding social signals
For various reasons, a lot of intelligent people are fairly terrible at understanding social cues. This can lead them to take things literally. Sometimes “we should have coffee sometime” is not meant to be taken as a real invitation, but as a way to get out of the present conversation. These types of lines will come up time and time again when you’re actively dating.
For that reason, developing a sense of empathy and taking time to reflect on your actions will be incredibly important, not just for dating, but for other areas of your life as well. Take some time to observe how people around you act around one another. You might be surprised what you can learn just by looking.
7.) You get bored easily
This one is harder to solve. One consequence of being smart is that you probably tend to get bored quickly. In the context of dating and relationship, this boredom can often rear its head in many ugly ways.
Smarter people, for instance, are more likely to cheat in relationships. While there are many factors such as income and opportunity that come into play, boredom is part of the reason smarter people cheat in their relationships more.
When it comes to actually seeking relationships, this boredom is also a challenge as it tends to make one more picky, which while isn’t always a bad thing, makes it difficult to get any enjoyment from dating.
8.) You’re an insufferable prick who looks down on people
It’s a sad fact that being smart is no guarantee that one is a good human being. Unfortunately, perhaps thanks to pop culture, many smart people tend to think that they are better than other people.
It’s easy to understand why they might believe that. Being smart opens up more opportunities, makes it more likely you can get a better job, and make it easier to join more exclusive professional and social circles.
Unfortunately for those who believe in their superiority, this kind of arrogance is a major turn off. For some baffling reason, even uglier smart people fall into this trap, and those guys have even fewer things going for them.
We do have good news, however. We may not be able to cure your hubris or arrogance, we can help you with your fitness, style, and grooming. While we sure hope you make the choice to stop being a condescending ass, you can at least temporarily cover up your more hideous qualities with the tips we have in store.
Hey smart guy! What dating struggles do you have? Comment below.