Today’s technology has made meeting girls a lot easier for Filipino men than it was in decades past. Whereas the previous generation had to meet potential girlfriends face to face in schools and in social gatherings, our generation can simply kick back in the living room and open apps like Tinder or Facebook to find viable targets. You’d think that this would have resulted in a situation where boys and girls hook up left and right, but in fact, it showed that things more or less stayed the same.
It turns out that technology can be a double-edged sword. While it lets you meet women online more easily, it does the same for every other guy out there. If anything, competition with other men has increased proportionally as communication became easier, resulting in a situation where you’d have to be on your A-game all the time to land a girl that you like.
And while anyone can meet a girl online these days and exchange a few messages with her, maintaining and growing her level of interest is a completely different matter. If you’ve been trying to cozy up with girls lately but can’t seem to turn the spark at the beginning into a lasting flame, here are some tips that can help you boost your success rate:
1. Find Things in Common
When you start conversing with a girl, you can’t assume that everything will click just because there’s a little physical attraction between you. This is even more true if you only met the girl online and all you’ve seen from each other are profile pictures. Beyond looks, there has to be a connection between your personalities. Absent that, you can expect her interest level in you to fizzle quickly.
When in the early stages of a conversation, ask the girl the basics like where she’s from, what she does for work, which college she went to and so on. You’ll find that there are plenty of opportunities here to further the conversation as she gives you more details. You may be familiar with her place of residence or you may know a few people who went to her school. If you are, don’t hesitate to tell her about it and your conversation will naturally take on a life of its own.
If you have common friends, that’s an even better conversation piece. It minimizes unfamiliarity and makes you easier to trust. As a result, she’ll likely be less reserved about giving you information about her.
While conversing, you should also ask about her interests. Inquiring about what she does on weekends is a good start. She may share details on what sports she’s into, what kind of movies she likes, whether or not she plays video games, whether she likes going out of town and so on. When she shares these things with you, don’t hesitate to share a little something about yourself.
If she doesn’t ask, it’s not always because she’s not interested. Sometimes, girls prefer that you lead the conversation, allowing her to comfortably chime in.
2. Ask Open-Ended Questions
Another trick to making the conversation flow a little easier is by asking questions that will prompt her to open up. Asking questions that start with “what” or those that are answerable by a yes or a no is fine, but if you want to take the conversation to a the next level, you need to ask questions that start with “how” or “why.”
For instance, if she tells you she works as a pre-school teacher, ask her how she arrived at the decision to become a teacher and why she chose little kids out of all the possible academic levels. Not only will this make her think on a deeper level, it also compels her to respond beyond one-liners.
More importantly, it forms an emotional connection between the two of you because answering questions like that is similar to telling someone a secret. The inquiry may not have been super personal, but it’s the act of confiding that will make a lady feel like the two of you are closer.
3. Exude Confidence by Being Yourself
For most girls, there aren’t many things quite as sexy as a confident, self-assured man. Evolutionarily, women have been conditioned to associate these behavioral traits with strength, influence and a high standing in society. If you seem tentative, nervous or fidgety around her, you’re sending subliminal messages that suggest you’re weak of mind and perhaps not a viable mate.
While you may be a perfectly healthy, well-meaning and successful guy, it’s understandable that you’ll feel a little self-conscious around a girl that you’re really attracted to. Suddenly, you’ll be second-guessing what you want to say and your sense of humor can dissipate all of a sudden. Most of the time, this is because you want to make a good impression and you want to avoid saying something stupid around her.
Instead of abiding by the “less talk, less mistakes” adage, you’ll want to follow the “just be yourself” cliché. Doing so allows you to relax, engage in genuine conversations and deliver wittier statements. It also helps you look more confident without putting effort into it. More importantly, being yourself doesn’t make you look needy for affection and desperate to please her. Looking like you’re always in awe of a woman is a major turn-off to them.
4. Tease Her a Little
Let’s make one thing very clear: being a nice guy is a good thing, but being a nice guy all the time will bore most women. When you’re with a girl, try not to adopt the mindset of a knight in shining armor. You’re not her bodyguard and your actions don’t all have to be grounded on what pleases her. Being too nice makes you predictable and phony. While women like being treated well, they also like men who show they have a pulse.
Once in a while, give her a little tease. Lightly making fun of her, or playfully imitating her are pretty safe ways to do it. As long as you don’t take things too far and you avoid saying jokes that are below-the-belt, you should be fine.
Teasing is a form of flirtation and it shows that you guys have achieved a decent level of comfort with each other. It also gives you both a chance to show off your quick thinking and wit. If you’re able to tease her without necessarily making her angry, you’re bound to keep her interested for the foreseeable future. She may not show that she likes being teased, but these are the things that women tend to miss about men when they’re not in contact.
5. Leave Room for Surprises
Pleasant surprises are another element in keeping a woman’s interest level high. Randomly sending her a message asking how she’s doing is a simple way to do that. Bringing her small trinkets here and there, or showing up with her favorite comfort food when you know she’s had a long day are all surefire ways to earn her favor. These are all normal and thoughtful behaviors which show a lady that a man is interested in her. However, these are things that just anyone can do and will not help you stand out if an attractive lady has multiple dating options.
Surprises can be more subtle yet impactful when they help her discover good things about you. The idea is to share the basics about yourself but not quite the specifics. For instance, if you’re going on a date, you can tell her that you’ll pick her up in the evening and nothing more. If you have a nice car, she’ll be pleasantly surprised even if she doesn’t remark on it. In this scenario, you don’t have to tell her you have a nice ride; it’s better that you just show up, bring it and let her experience it firsthand.
Even if you don’t own a vehicle, there are other ways to generate pleasant surprises. For instance, if you have a talent in drawing, you can mention in passing that it’s something you like doing in your spare time. She might not get the sense that you’re good at it immediately, but while you can bring a pad of paper and a pencil while you’re together in a coffee shop. Draw her while she talks and if she tries to see what you’re up to, don’t let her and tell her to wait. Afterwards, show her your sketch and watch her reaction.
6. Be Spontaneous
Staying on the theme of not becoming predictable, another way to keep a girl’s interest level high is by being spontaneous. While having a general plan for things like dates is a good thing, that doesn’t mean you can’t indulge in a bit of impulsive fun.
Randomly bringing her flowers when you see her is a simple gesture that will give her a thrill and make her feel special. Asking her out on a date but not saying specifically where you’ll eat and go afterwards is another easy way to keep things less predictable. If you’re both from Metro Manila and you happen to have a car, you can tell her you’ll have lunch in a nice place, then drive her straight to Tagaytay.
If you both work in one of the metro’s business districts such as Makati, Ortigas or BGC, you can invite her over for a drink after work in a nice place that she may not have heard about. A good example of this would be Marco Polo Hotel’s sky bar. The hotel is in Ortigas’ easy-to-access Meralco Avenue and the bar is on the building’s 45th floor. It offers an awesome view of Metro Manila and surrounding areas, while giving you cozy seats, chic music and a wide selection of food and beverages. It’s also not very expensive, making it an ideal surprise stop for a man and the lady he likes.
7. Take Care of Yourself
It’s a common thing among many Filipino men: when we’re trying to hook up with a girl that we like, we put our best foot forward and try to present the best versions of ourselves. We tend to groom a little more and wear better clothes during the courtship process. However, a lot of women complain that once a guy receives an indicator that the interest is mutual, he reverts back to his normal, sloppy form.
Here’s a reality check for all you guys out there: even if a woman is already in a relationship with you, she can lose interest especially if you let yourself go. If you want to make sure that she stays highly attracted to you, make it your responsibility to look as good as you possibly can.
This doesn’t have to be complicated. You don’t have to go to metrosexual levels of self-consciousness to look good on a daily basis. Proper hygiene, wearing decent clothes on dates, adding a few accessories to your wardrobe and putting on some cologne will all go a long way. This demonstrates to a girl that you’re always on top of your dating game and that she should always be on their toes so other girls don’t just walk in and try to whisk you away.
And there you have it: seven time-tested tips on keeping a girl interested in you,. Do you have other tactics that keep the ladies coming back for more? Share them to everyone in the comments below.