The word “fuckboy” gets tossed around a lot over the web these days and the meaning tends to vary slightly depending on context. Generally, though, most people would agree that a fuckboy is a selfish individual with little respect for women and zero empathy for the feelings of others. Most fuckboys can’t claim too many personal accomplishments and they resort to having sex with as many women as they possibly can to validate themselves and feed their egos. Obviously, someone like this doesn’t deserve the time of any self-respecting woman and should be avoided as much as possible.
Unfortunately, that’s easier said than done. Fuckboys tend to be pathological liars who will say almost anything just to get in your pants. They also tend to have some skill in playing women’s emotional tendencies against them, leading them on until they give in. By the time the girl realizes it, the fuckboy might have already done plenty of damage and has walked away laughing as he looks for his next conquest.
If a guy is showing interest in you or you’re in the early stages of dating, you need to watch for some early signs that a fuckboy is out to get you. Here are Bruce Kho’s 10 surefire signs that you’re face to face with a fuckboy:
1. He Doesn’t Want to Meet Your Friends and Family
When you’re dating a guy and he’s serious about you, he’ll be interested in becoming a figure in every facet of your life. To any good man, being introduced to the friends and family of the woman he likes is an honor and a privilege. He’ll put his best foot forward on in an effort to earn the trust and support of the people in the girl’s life. With fuckboys, the story is quite different.
The fuckboy is there for one reason and one reason only: to bang you. He’ll want to do it as quickly and as easily as possible. To him, meeting your friends and family is a waste of time at best and at worst, a potential foil to his plans because someone might sniff his intentions out. If you’re dating a guy who makes excuses about meeting the people closest to you or outright refuses the opportunity, think long and hard about your recent and future decisions.
2. He Doesn’t Remember Things About You
Men are wired mostly to be logical and competitive beings. When we’re eyeing a woman for a serious relationship, we try to gather and absorb as much information about her as possible to see what she likes, what she doesn’t, and what makes her tick. We then try to use this information to tailor our next moves according to her tendencies. The goal is to behave in a way that pleases the woman instead of driving her away. It’s also our way of gaining an extra edge over possible rivals.
If the guy you’re dating has interacted with you on a number of occasions and seems to be oblivious to your tendencies, view it as a small red flag. If he keeps asking what you do for a living when you’ve told him twice before, that’s a bad sign. If he brings you to an Italian restaurant even after you told him you love Korean food, he could be confusing you with someone else.
As stated in the previous item, fuckboys generally stay goal-oriented in their pursuit of bedding you. They tend to think of small details as distractions and even when they try to keep them in mind, they keep confusing your preferences for those of other women. If you’re dating someone like this, it’s either he’s a fuckboy, he’s got memory problems, or he just doesn’t care much about you. Maybe all of the above.
3. He Asks You Out But Doesn’t Say When Exactly
A staple of the fuckboy playbook is the subtle flirt of telling a girl he’d like to hang out with her sometime but stops short of saying when exactly. Fuckboys do this for two reasons: to try and gauge your interest in them and to keep things flexible so they can continue to run their fuckboy operations.
If he drops a statement like this and doesn’t bring it up again, he’s waiting to see if you’ll follow up about it. If you do, he’ll know that he’s been on your mind and that he stands a good chance of hooking up with you. He also doesn’t give you a specific date so he doesn’t run the risk of double-booking you with someone else. The most you’ll get from him is a random text asking if you’re free within short notice.
If a guy is behaving like this, do your best to shut out your attraction towards him and walk away. When a man is into you, he’ll ask you out with definite plans and he’ll give you a few options on date and time because he wants to respect your schedule. If he doesn’t, avoid him like the plague because he’s likely to be a fuckboy.
4. He Prefers Dates Near His Place
Along with speed, convenience is another integral element in the fuckboy playbook. If you fall for the schtick in #3 and go on an actual date with him, notice how he’ll want to choose the place where you’ll go. It’ll likely be near his place so he can whisk you to its private confines after dinner. If the date venue isn’t near his place, look up the area on Google Maps and check if there are nearby motels.
Another dead giveaway that you’re dating a fuckboy is if the restaurant or hotel staff seem to recognize him like he’s some kind of regular customer. If the staff looks at you in a way that feels weird, listen to your intuition. They probably know something you don’t and it won’t be too flattering for your date.
If he invites you to have “coffee” or “a few drinks” at his place, that’s fuckboy code for, er, sleeping with you. Highly skilled fuckboys will invite you to remove your shoes when you enter his apartment, which is an implicit way of him telling you to get comfortable cause you’ll be staying a while. Also, if you remove your shoes, it begins the mental conditioning process of having you take off a few more items on you.
5. He Has No Feminist Bone in Him
Psychologically, becoming a fuckboy starts with having little to no respect for women. In the mind of a fuckboy, women are commodities whose main purpose is to provide him a sexual outlet. To them, toying with a lady’s emotions in order to get to sex is fair game as long as consent is given. After they get what they want, most fuckboys laugh off a woman’s heartbreak and think of it as an important life lesson that they imparted on their former partners.
Ironically, many fuckboys don’t realize that they’re actually dependent on women for self-validation. This will show not just in his actions but also in his words as you’ll catch him from time to time dropping demeaning statements about ladies. If your date speaks about women in a way that implies his supposed superiority, cut off your involvement with him right away because you’re likely dating not just a fuckboy but a wall-to-wall asshole.
6. He Has Honesty Issues
Being a fuckboy isn’t easy. You have to juggle several possible bedmates at once and you’ll have to keep outrunning your shady track record stemming from past misdeeds. Since you can’t change the past and you can’t stop what you’re doing, your primary recourse is to keep lying and hiding things from the women you’re seeing. You’ll also have to hope that nothing breaks wrong and your lies don’t catch up with you at an inconvenient moment.
I know. Poor fuckboys.
If your date or boyfriend seems to tell stories that contradict themselves, it’s probably because he can’t keep track of all the fibs that he’s been dishing out to you and other ladies he’s seeing. If he tells you that he wasn’t available last week because he has a family affair, then tells you another time that he was in the gym that same time of the very same day, you know something fishy’s going on.
If your guy tends to go missing for a few days or he can’t be contacted during weekend evenings when he’s not with you, it’s probably because he has to give the other ladies in his life some love. Listen to your instincts and do some investigation if you feel strongly that something’s amiss. As the cliché goes, where there’s smoke, there’s usually fire.
7. He Doesn’t Introduce You as His Girlfriend
A telltale sign that a man isn’t serious with you even when you’re dating is his lack of desire to introduce you as his girl. Typically, a man will be very proud to have a woman in his life and he’ll make it known to people in his circles that you guys are an item. If for some reason he avoids meeting friends or family with you, try to ask him why. If you ever run into someone he knows when you’re together and he doesn’t introduce you as his girlfriend – or doesn’t introduce you at all – those are very red flags.
It’s even worse if he doesn’t post a single picture of you on his social media accounts. Most men in this day and age will post pictures of you together especially when you’re a new couple. If he doesn’t, it’s either he’s one of those social media non-believers or he’s just bedding you and is already planning his exit.
8. He Asks for Nudies
While sex is at the core of every fuckboy’s motivations (duh), there are other things that drive these men to do what they do. As mentioned earlier, self-validation is a big part of being a fuckboy. The more women he can show off to his friends, the better he feels about himself and the more highly he thinks he’s perceived by his peers.
When a fuckboy starts flirting with you and he senses your interest, he’ll likely start steering the conversation to steamier topics. If you keep sending him signals that you’re sexually interested in him, it’s almost inevitable that he’ll ask you to send nude pics of yourself. While these are definitely intended for his personal arousal, don’t think that he’ll be the only one viewing them. These images will serve as evidence when he starts talking to his friends about you and they start giving him the classic “pics or it didn’t happen” challenge.
If you’re dating someone new and you’re still in the process of getting to know him on a deeper level, exercise common sense and don’t give away nudies like they’re postcards. Even if you’ve started sleeping with the guy, avoid taking incriminating photos with him. At best, he’ll have some blackmail material for you if you end up breaking up bitterly. At worst, your compromised images could be viewed by men you don’t want to see laying their eyes on your privates.
9. He’s a Disappointment in Bed
It’s counter-intuitive, but a lot of women who’ve made the mistake of dating fuckboys say that their former partners were lousy in bed. Sure, they may be saying this out of spite, but if you analyze the notion from a logical standpoint, there’s actually a lot of sense in it.
Fuckboys are selfish and egotistical people. That means they only care about their own release and they couldn’t care less if their partner actually enjoyed their sexual acts. To fuckboys, what matters is that they get to see a woman naked, they get their release, and they get the bragging rights of having slept with her. Whether she got off or not is an afterthought to him.
If your man climaxes and falls asleep immediately afterwards, he’s either a premature ejaculator or a fuckboy. If he doesn’t bother to cuddle or worse, he just leaves after the act, that’s another sign that you may have chosen the wrong guy to get intimate with. If he barely sends messages or calls after your first time in bed with him, that’s a 100% bonafide fuckboy that you just landed.
Those are the nine major signs that you’re dealing with a fuckboy. If you see a combination of these elements, take a closer look at the object of your affection and make sure he’s not just taking you for a self-serving ride. But hey, if you really like him and you don’t mind casual encounters, you’re probably a player yourself – in which case, all bets are off.