So you’re a nice guy who’s well educated and has a nice job. You’re also not butt ugly, which means you’re a great catch for many single ladies out there. Unfortunately, your phone isn’t really blowing up with flirty messages from the ladies. As a matter of fact, you haven’t been able to land a solid date with a girl that you like for quite some time now.
In your mind, it makes absolutely no sense at all. Why wouldn’t girls want to be with someone who has good intentions and equally good qualifications, right? In reality, you and your qualifications are just fine. It’s just that you’re not grasping the differences between the workings of male and female dating psychology.
You see, a woman might say that she wants a good, stable man who’ll love her for the rest of his days. Being the logical thinkers that we mostly are, men tend to write a mental checklist of things to do in order to appear that way to women. What we don’t know is that women aren’t telling us the full story and following their advice to the letter will only lead us to the dreaded friendzone.
What’s a Friendzone?
The friendzone is a state when someone has romantic feelings for another person but the other party only wants to be friends. When a man is put into a woman’s friendzone, she doesn’t think of him as a possible romantic partner, much more a sex object. In her view, the man becomes gender-neutral and will certainly be shot down if he tries to make a move on her.
We’d hate to break it to you but once the signs of being friendzoned start to set in, few are ever able to reverse the tide. If you’re interested in a girl, the best way to avoid being friendzoned is to know what kind of behaviors make women instinctively put you into that category. If you have any of these qualities about you, it’s time to make a few subtle adjustments en route to drastically improving the results you get:
You’re Too Nice
They say that nice guys finish last, and as unfair as that seems, it holds true even in the art of courtship. While there’s nothing wrong with being a gentleman, being overly kind to a woman will send her all the wrong signals. If you’re the type who smothers her with attention, brings her all sorts of stuff all the time, says only kind things to her and never even jokes because you’re too careful not to risk offending her, you’ve got a serious problem.
Girls appreciate kindness but there’s a certain threshold when it’s too much. If it’s dead obvious that you’re into her, she may take you for granted because you pose no challenge at all. A nice guy who shows only his good side to a girl is basically a human dog who desperately wants to please its master. Dogs are cool, but no woman in her right mind would ever want to sleep with one.
You Think She’s One of a Kind
One of the reasons that men fall into the “too nice” category is that they operate with a mindset of scarcity. Sometimes, it can’t be helped that we find a girl really attractive and everything about her would seem right. Her looks, her personality and even her interests might seem ideal to you. When that happens, men tend to have tunnel vision and fail to realize that there are plenty of other ladies out there who can be just as desirable as her.
When you start thinking wrongly that a girl is one of a kind and that you’ll never find someone else like her, that’s when you start acting too nice to her in fear of “losing her.” Sorry, but she’s not really “yours “ until you officially become an item and putting her on a pedestal will only cause you to behave weirdly, driving her away in the process.
Attraction with women is similar to cat behavior. The harder you chase one to give it some cuddling, the more fearful and suspicious it becomes of you. Conversely, containing your emotions and acting confidently will entice the cat to come to you by itself and snuggle up on your lap.
When she interacts with other men, do you get all insecure and try to dissuade her from continuing the connection by pointing out bad things about the other guy? If you are, you’re inadvertently making him look better and sinking yourself deeper into the friendzone.
Talking mess about potential competitors reveals your insecurity and your willingness to use underhanded tactics in order to gain her favor and eliminate rivals. It also shows the girl that you aren’t confident enough that you can win her over by your own merit, so you’re trying to cut the other guy down to your tiny stature. Instead of seeing his obvious deficiencies, a girl may become more perceptive and appreciative of his good points.
The fix? Don’t say anything negative about the other guy. Either be neutral about it or better yet, be positive. Tell her she should totally consider the other guy and that he seems like a good dude. This shows her that you’re confident about who you are and what you bring to the table. Again, this might defy logic but it has the effect of making the girl keep an eye open for his flaws.
You’re Too Pushy
When you’re not together, do you keep messaging her? If she doesn’t respond, do you bombard her with more messages to try and get her attention? If you are, you’re just asking to be friendzoned at best and at worst, she might start considering you a creep.
When a girl doesn’t respond to you, she either doesn’t care enough to do so or she’s playing coy. More often than not, the latter is just wishful thinking. Trying to force the issue by bugging her will not help your chances at all. Instead, you should show her that her non-response isn’t a big deal by not following up on it.
You might think that this might send the message that you’re giving up but if she’s really not interested in you, that’s the sensible thing to do anyways. If your chances with her aren’t entirely dead, not pursuing her too hard demonstrates that it’s not the end of the world for you and you’ve got options.
You’re Always Available
Conversely, if a girl texts you and you respond within mere moments all the time, it sends her the message that you’re just dying to talk to her. If she asks you for a meetup or a favor and you say yes with no hesitation even on short notice, that’s even worse. It’s okay to be present once in a while, but if you’re that way all the time, it increases the chances of getting friendzoned.,
Being too available shows her that your world revolves around her. In economics, the most fundamental rule is the law of supply and demand. When there’s an abundant supply of anything, the value for it drops. Conversely, the more scarce something is, the higher the prices it commands. The same goes with people. If you show to her that you’re always there even for the smallest things, it’s easy for her to treat your efforts as routine and un-special.
When she sends you a message, try not to respond to her immediately and see what she does. If she has a request that you know she can handle on her own, or with the help of someone else, make an excuse to not be there. This will show her that you’re an actual person with a pulse and you have your own set of things that are happening in your life aside from her. By doing so, you increase your level of personal scarcity en route to projecting greater value in her eyes.
You Have No Hint of Danger In You
Girls may ultimately want happiness and stability with their chosen partners, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t appreciate a full spectrum of emotions that guys can make them feel. Giving her a taste of negative and positive feelings is like taking her on a roller coaster ride. It may not be the most pleasant thing in the world, but the thrill, excitement and exhilaration that comes with it will make them come back for more.
This doesn’t mean that you should be an asshole to her. You can be a badass in good ways. For instance, excelling in a sport, in video games or even in your career makes you look like a total boss. Gently teasing her about what she’s wearing or the way she talks is also keeps you from looking like you’re too nice as long as it’s done in good taste. If you want to take it to the edge, showing up late once in a while to your meetups or hinting that you have other girls you can potentially date will keep her interested even if it emanates from annoyance.
The last thing you’ll want to project to her is that you’re Mr. Play-It-Safe who’s incapable of creating excitement. Keep in mind that at some point in their lives, many women dreamed of dating bad boys with good hearts – wild stallions who just need to be tamed. It’s the same reason why rockstars and athletes tend to get the hottest girls. Even if women know that these guys might end up playing them, they’re willing to take the risk as long as they can get on that wild ride with the man.
And those are the six reasons why a lot of Pinoy men get friendzoned. Did we miss anything? Let us know in the comments section below.