No woman wants to be tied down to a loser. But what is a loser, really? Different people define it in different ways. Many people believe that losers have no money or social influence. We happen to believe that this isn’t necessarily the case – plenty of guys with money and friends can still be losers. As a matter of fact, we can argue that those who pursue the accumulation of either as ends in and of themselves are probably losers as well.
In any case, when a woman perceives you as a loser, your chances of starting any kind of relationship with her go down the toilet pretty fast. However, because everyone’s idea of what makes someone a loser is different, you don’t necessarily have to be a loser to be seen as one. You can be a truly upstanding guy, but women may still think you’re a loser, regardless. Yikes.
So what makes women think you’re a loser? Here are 10 red flags that tip women off.
10.) Maybe you actually are a loser
Denial is the first stage of loserhood. Most of the losers you know probably have no idea how pathetic they are, or what other people might be saying about them. However, being a loser is not a life sentence. Everyone has the capacity to change for the better in some way. The key is to quit living in denial and to accept that there are things about your behavior and situation that you must change. If more than two items on this list apply to you, chances are you’ve got a real problem.
9.) You have entitlement issues
Well-adjusted people of any gender will react negatively to people who demonstrate they don’t know how to be fair with others. Maybe you’re a camote driver who stops in the middle of pedestrian lanes or perhaps you scream at parking attendants and treat restaurant staff like dirt. Maybe you’ve pulled out the “do you know who I am?” line in real life. Maybe you brag about not paying the right taxes.
You don’t need a woman’s intuition to figure out that anyone who does these things may have more than just a few issues underneath the surface. We all know that sooner or later, the entitled loser will drop all pretenses and expect their own wants and feelings to take precedence in a relationship.
8.) You’re matapobre
How do you know you’re matapobre? Perhaps you’ve made one too many off-comments about people from the provinces. Maybe you take every opportunity to lecture others on how poor people should work harder, forgetting that many of them already work 12-16 hour days and that you had the privilege of good education and a roof over your head paid for by your parents. Perhaps you’ve participated in an online shitfest, retorting “eh, naka free FB lang kasi” to a post you disagree with.
If you’re trying to snag a fellow loser as your mate, that’s all well and good. There are lots of female losers willing to tolerate this behavior, and perhaps that’s how matapobre folks are bred. But anyone who’s even mildly well-adjusted will know to avoid you like the plague, because to them, that’s actually what you are. A disease.
7.) You don’t have manners
This might seem related to the previous points but it deserves its own place simply because it’s quite possible a person without manners means no disrespect. This is especially true if someone came from a different culture, did not have a privileged enough upbringing, or is a naturally withdrawn person. However, there’s still no excuse for not learning proper decorum.
If you fail to mind your manners when interacting with other people, women will naturally think there is something fundamentally wrong with you. The good news is you don’t need to go to a finishing school or sign up for a personality development course. A little mindfulness and empathy when you’re interacting with others can certainly go a really long way towards addressing this problem.
6.) You’re hostile towards criticism
This is perhaps the most obvious sign that someone is a loser. Someone who isn’t a loser is able to accept valid criticism and ignore unwarranted insults with grace and dignity. If the criticism is right, they know what steps should be taken to address it. If they know the criticism is flawed or baseless, they know to understand where it’s coming from so they can ignore it, or do something that addresses the critic’s real motive.
A loser, on the other hand, feels the need to respond to criticism all the time, in as hostile a manner as possible. That’s how macho people do it, right? In a way, this is related to the sense of entitlement most losers tend to have. In a loser’s mind, they hold a monopoly on the truth and they’re not capable of making any mistakes whatsoever.
While a woman may be able to tolerate a couple of incidents where you blow up at critics for no good reason, it becomes a clearer sign of being a loser when it’s a recurring pattern or is combined with other items on this list. At the very least, keep your annoyance with critics private. You’ll come out looking like an alpha for doing so.
5.) You’re controlling yet indecisive
A special subset of losers takes every opportunity to be in control. But once they have control, they have no idea what to do with it. They may dislike it when you have interests or hobbies they don’t understand or enjoy, so they may find a way to get you to stop. They may get especially upset when they’re not able to decide where the both of you go to eat or go on vacation, yet they give zero suggestions when the topics come up and veto all of their partners’choices.
This mix of indecision and control freak tendencies often comes about when someone wasn’t allowed to decide on anything when they were growing up. Perhaps they grew up with domineering parents and siblings, or perhaps they were overly-sheltered.
It takes conscientiousness and experience to be able to handle power with any kind of grace or finesse, and the desire to decide on everything while being a complete putz while you’re in command is a major turn-off not just for women, but for nearly everyone else. If this applies to you, let others decide on things more often and for the love of God – don’t pick food for her when eating out unless she asks you to.
4.) You’re easily influenced by your so-called friends and family
On the opposite end of the spectrum are losers who just let other people decide for them, regardless of their own feelings on the matter. If a woman sees that you’re all too ready to drop everything at the goading of your barkada, fraternity, or even your relatives, they’re likely to see it as a sign that you’re unable to make your own decisions or control your own destiny, which in turn means that other people will have a bigger say in your relationship than she might be comfortable with.
Now, this isn’t to say that you shouldn’t have any activities outside of a relationship with a woman (and if she says otherwise, you should probably stay away). However, you should know when to put your foot down and take care of your own interests, rather than those of others.
3.) You play the blame game – a little too well
If you have the tendency to blame others for things that go wrong with your life – congrats you’re a loser. It’s normal to blame others or outside circumstances, but when it looks like nothing is ever your fault, a woman will instinctively know that there will be no dealing with you, and that no equal relationship is possible.
If you feel the urge to blame others for your misfortunes, resist the urge to say anything and really think for a minute if you could have somehow done things differently that would have given you a better result. We guarantee that in 90% of cases, you could have probably done better. Owning up to your own mistakes, IF mistakes have been made, will send a signal that you know how to take and accept risks, which is kind of sexy to a lot of people, even if you do end up losing a couple of times.
2.) You have no ambition
The lack of any drive is often taken as a sign that someone is boring or has no intention to do anything with their life. It’s not necessarily true, as many great people are perfectly content to live their lives quietly and in modest comfort. However, as far as a lot of women are concerned, it might get pretty dreary being with someone who has no aspirations or interests. Many women also feel that a man without any ambition may not be able to deliver what they feel they deserve in life. Whether that’s gold-digger behavior or just a natural fact of life is, of course, up for infinite rounds of pointless debate.
1.) You thrive on external validation
Humans are social beings, and for most people, some external validation is a prerequisite for good mental health. However, constantly fishing for praise or using social media “success” as a metric for your self-image will tend to set off alarms with some women, who might see it as a sign of your vanity or immaturity. Basically, if you’ Instagram looks awesome and you have thousands of Facebook followers but your real life is in shambles, you can’t really blame women for thinking you may not have your priorities in order.
In the end, most women are willing to look past a few defects if you’ve got a few other things working in your favor, like good looks, a sense of humor, smarts, or a stable income. If you’re lucky (or particularly good at being a sociopath) she might not catch on right away, and perhaps you could have ensnared her long enough for her to be blinded to your loserhood.
Of course, everyone else will still see through you. If you don’t reassess your life and take steps to improve yourself you’ll probably lose whatever good thing you had — sooner or later. Losers always do.
What other red flags alert women to losers? Comment below.