Gamers of all genders tend to be low maintenance, smart, imaginative, and if one study is to be believed, insatiable in bed. While many guys fantasize about making it with a stereotypical bimbo, those who know better would rather instead, find a girl who’s a committed gamer. You can talk about games and gear with them all day, and get it on in more ways than one at night. What’s to dislike?
Should you find the girl gamer of your desires, we’ve got a list of 10 do’s and don’ts that you should go through before you take the plunge. Ignore them at your peril.
10. Don’t put her on a pedestal
Wait–why wouldn’t you want to put your rare jewel of a gamer girl up on a pedestal? Well, for starters, female gamers are definitely not as rare as they used to be. By some estimates, if you count mobile games, they’re actually 52% of the gaming population. And even if they were rare (which they aren’t) it’s no reason to throw yourself at her all the time.
Next, gamers are a meritocratic bunch, so bringing up her “girl gamer” status all the time can get pretty annoying. In fact, a lot of them actually hate being called girl gamers, as this focuses on their gender, which has nothing to do with how good they are at gaming. Like most gamers, they will probably want to be respected for what they’re able to do and not because of some accident of birth.
Lastly, putting anyone on a pedestal is basically objectification, which she will catch onto pretty fast. By focusing on her being a gamer (which, let’s face it, is kind of a lame to obsess over begin with), you’re overlooking the other aspects of her personality, which gets pretty insulting.
9. Don’t be a condescending backseat gamer
We all know the type. As soon as you start playing, some condescending dweeb materializes out of nowhere to tell you what you should be doing. This doesn’t just cramp on your style, but it heavily implies that the other person knows better, which while possibly true, is pretty annoying nonetheless.
Now imagine how she’ll feel if you constantly do that to her. As a female gamer, she probably has more than her fair share of guys giving their unsolicited advice whenever she plays. Assuming that you’ll be gaming together at some point, it’s best to resist the urge to be the backseat gamer that we all despise.
8. Don’t be upset that she’s better than you at some things
A lot of guys don’t take kindly to losing. Many are just absolutely pathetic when they lose at games. However, if you’re dating a gamer, it’s almost a foregone conclusion you will have to play against her eventually. And if she’s a competitive type, you will lose at some point. It’s surprising how many male gamers are unable to accept this, and it can be a huge turn-off when they react negatively to it, either by throwing a fit, or actively avoiding playing against their woman altogether. Try to be as gracious in defeat as you can – even if she can see that deep inside, it kills you.
7. Don’t be the stereotypical sexist gamer guy
While a lot of men lust after female gamers, the opposite is hardly true. Very few women get out of their way to be with a male gamer. Perhaps it’s the testosterone, or the pent-up nerd rage, or the inability to socialize in a real-world context, but the gaming community attracts some of the worst types of guys. It’s no secret that the male-dominated gaming community is incredibly sexist, especially when you exclude mobile games.
Yes, we know most male gamers are just regular people. However, we also already know all the negative stereotypes that come with the territory, including bad hygiene, sexism, and maturity issues. If you do fit those stereotype, surely, you must already know you do at some level. If you want to snag and keep that gamer lady, stop making excuses for yourself and be better than you already are.
6. Don’t keep your gaming rig in the bedroom
This isn’t always practical for those who live in a small studio apartment, but when possible, your gaming rig should be kept separate from your bedroom. If you live alone, having your rig in your room is fine. But when you’re living with or regularly seeing someone, there are times that at least one of you will be up all night playing while the other just wants to sleep. Over time, this can put a surprising strain on many relationships, as the light and noise, even from a handheld device, can be enough to make you jump at each other’s throats over an extended period of time. As soon as you begin to see each other frequently, make sure your bed is only for sleeping and sex, and nothing else.
5. Do expect to spend a bit more
Generally speaking, gamers are low maintenance bunch. With a few exceptions, this readily applies to female gamers as well. You probably won’t be spending too much time clothes shopping together or going to too many social events. However, gaming does get freakin’ expensive. Sure, it doesn’t have to be expensive, but part of the appeal of dating fellow gamer is that you can trick out your rigs and shop for games and peripherals together.
4. Do talk about gaming with her – if you can catch up
This is another huge benefit to dating a female gamer. While not all of them are necessarily concerned with the latest hardware, games, and controversies, it’s a fair assumption she will find at least some of it interesting. In fact, she might know much more than you do.
If you’re not a gamer yourself, it’s probably cool to not talk about games and gear all the time. However, when she does talk about it, be prepared to listen. If she identifies as a gamer, this is obviously very important stuff for her, so you should at least attempt to be interested in what she has to say. In any case, be glad that unlike many women, she has a hobby that many guys can actually relate with.
3. Do know it’s not always easy to be a female gamer
The impersonal and anonymous nature of many gaming communities makes it incredibly easy for people to be dicks to each other. Female gamers know this all too well. There probably isn’t a single one of them who has not been subjected to harassment or unwanted advances simply because they were female. To avoid this, a large proportion of female gamers resort to disguising their gender so they can enjoy a multiplayer experience without being harassed.
Even when everyone is nice, it does get unavoidably awkward at times. You’re lucky to find mainstream gaming events where there’s one girl for every thirty guys, as gaming remains male-dominated at the competitive level. And when there are girls, they’re less likely to be gamers and more likely to be scantily-clad “booth babes” that reinforce some cultural ideas that your woman may or may not be comfortable with
The fact is, while it’s clear some bad behavior has definitely been normalized in many gaming communities, there remains a wide diversity of opinions among female gamers about what is and isn’t acceptable. Coupled with an ongoing culture war centered on feminism and gaming, it’s hard to know where anyone should stand. When in doubt about what to make of an issue, be sure to ask her what she thinks about it. You’ll likely be surprised about what she has to say.
2. Do remember she also wants to feel like a woman too
While there’s a perception that female gamers are “one of the boys”, the fact that they’re dating you probably means they’re straight, and therefore they must have at least a few things in common with other girls. She will also have her own quirks and interests that are not at all related to gaming, and you should let her know you like those things about her as well. They’ll definitely appreciate that you care about the whole package, rather than just the fact that she’s a gamer.
1. Do know she’s (probably) smarter than you
Not only are women generally smarter than men, but studies also show that gamers are, on average, significantly smarter than non-gamers. This makes sense as games, by and large, are about solving puzzles and figuring out problems. This makes it an even more fatal error to be condescending or make assumptions about what they can or can’t do. Men, unfortunately, tend to perceive themselves as smarter than women who score just as much as they do on tests, which means if you’re like most guys you’re going to be fighting an uphill battle against ego the entire relationship.
What other tips do you have for dating female gamers? Comment below!